The Process of Inventing Yourself
Tool ~ Mindfulness Check-in
How are MWe?
In Small Groups – let’s connect and speak to what is moving in us after our mindfulness activity and what intention(s) might you put forth today?
Understanding Emotions
Do you ever feel like you’re jumping through hoops? Or that your life is on one big loop?
As we move through life, we usually begin to see the patterns in our thoughts and feelings. These patterns almost always come from things we need, like safety and security or a sense of belonging or they come from things we do not need like stress and conflict.
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As we have more experiences we make more connections, and as we make those connections we see that our lives are a circle of Thinking, Feeling, and Being.
And what are we doing with these emotions, feelings, moods, temperaments, and personality traits? Where are we stuck? What do we wish to improve, change, or grow?
A Thought Experiment
Due to the incredible amount of stress we find ourselves under in our 21st century world, we each battle with a great many limiting emotions. The first step in improving our state of being and more effectively managing our emotions is to identify which emotions we are unconsciously allowing to invade and rule our lives. Then we do the work of unwiring those mental connections and rewiring the unlimited.
Spend a little time now considering the limited emotions you are addicted to and the behaviors that might be perpetuating those emotions.
Then spend some time considering at least one unlimited emotion that you are going to manifest.
Remember: the Thinking and Feeling Loop is happening non-stop and the only way to interrupt the connection is to think greater than your state of being.
Do this in our workbook now.
Our Harvest
What are you feeling right now? What is one thing that is staying with you?
The Center of Your Circle
“We all stand in the center of our circles, which is in between the stimulus and response. Here is where we have the power to choose our responses.” ~MDJ~
Thought Experiment
Each and every one of us spends a lot of time worrying about and concerning ourselves with things that we cannot control. Consider how much you could accomplish in a day if you stayed focused on the things that with proactive choices you can influence.
Spend some time thinking about the things you worry about each day and then identify all the things you can influence each day in your life.
Respond in your Day Two Workbook
Our Harvest
What’s moving in the here and now for you?
Getting to Know Yourself and Others
Now let’s get you a bit more information about people.
Needs-Interests-Positions (Strategies)
Tool ~ Taking Sides Session Activity
How do we process information in group settings?
How do we understand how to make contributions and bring ideas forward with confidence?
How do we understand group dynamics?
How do we see that we are all Taking Sides all the time and that to achieve goals in group settings, we need to be able to express our thoughts and ideas and work towards collaboration?
During your group session, you and your team will complete the Taking Sides Activity. Feel free to take a peek if you want an idea of what we are working towards.
Harvest
What are the big takaways from the Taking Sides Activity?
Communicate Through Conflict
One of the most important essential skills we can all learn is how to communicate through conflict.
When your emotions are high and your stress levels are putting an incredible amount of pressure on your body, knowing how you naturally deal with adversity will help you create the space to have responses instead of reactions in the heat of a tense moment.
Watch the video on how to save the results of your Conflict Assessment.
Once you are sure you understand how to save your results, click on the image below and complete your 30 question survey.
Note: the questions are repetitive for a reason!
Our Harvest
What’s moving in the here and now for you?
What Do You really Need?
Watch these videos and then consider the pyramid as you refer to your Proaction Plan
Anatomy of Difficult Conversations
- Substance.
- Who said what, who did what?
- Who intended what?
- What did you each contribute to the problem?
- My feelings.
- Their feelings.
- My self-image.
- Their self-image.
Choosing Your Purposes
Learning
Expression
Problem Solving
Listen first to understand, then to be understood. You almost never know everything you need to know about the situation. Seek out the pieces of the puzzle you don’t have.
You are an unparalleled expert on you. So, speak for yourself and how you are experiencing the problem. Consider sharing your perspective, interests, feelings, and requests.
You take the lead. Once you have listened to their views and expressed your own, then you should proceed to problem solving. Ask: “Can we find a way to move forward that works for both of us?”
Thought Experiment
Spend a little time thinking through a difficult conversation you may need to have soon. If you cannot think of one consider a conversation you have had previously and try to unpack the conversation using the anatomy as your guide.
Feedback – Let’s Face it
Benefits of Receiving Feedback Well
Your relationships become richer.
You learn and get better at things.
Other people find it more enjoyable to work around you.
It is easier for you to work with others to solve problems.
By your example, you help others see the value in seeking feedback for themselves.
Appreciation
Coaching
Evaluation
Giving thanks to you and encouraging you to keep doing what you are doing. For it to be effective, it needs to be specific, authentic, and in a form that you find satisfying.
showing you a better way to do something to help you grow. Coaching can be related to improving your skills or at fixing a perceived imbalance in a relationship. (Note: Grace uses the word coaching to mean the act of listening and asking questions to help a person discover the best way forward.)
Tells you where you stand compared to a standard or compared to others. Evaluation aligns expectations and clarifies consequences.
Relationship Triggers
Identity Triggers
We resist feedback if we think the person giving it has questionable motives or lacks credibility. Also, the way the person delivers the feedback may cause us to resist. Instead of hearing what the person is saying, we focus on our issues with the person.
When we perceive an attack to who we think we are, we resist feedback. Our brain’s survival functions cause us to move toward pleasurable things and away from painful ones. The brain gets confused when it faces short-term pain that is necessary for long-term gain or short-term pleasures that produce long-term pain.
Thought Experiment
Are You ready to SBI? Can we make that a thing? Imagine a world where everyone was really clear with how they expressed their feedback! Imagine in that world you are the expert.
Every expert was once a person with limited skills and knowledge. Every expert had to practice.
So let’s do that now. Take a few moments to consider a situation in your life where you need to give someone feedback.
Using the space in your workbook – work out what you are going to say to them.
