PEER MEDIATION TRAINING

Land Acknowledgment

In New York, we are on the ancestral land of the Lenape people.

We say this to acknowledge that, no matter when or how we personally arrived on this land, we each have a relationship to the life and the pain that this ground has been witness to.

Let us take a moment to reflect on the responsibility of that relationship.

Let us be stewards of this land and make a connection to it that allows us to leave it better off than when we arrived.

If you’d like to learn more you can go to these links to get a deeper understanding.

Expectations: I Am Because We Are…

On our journey together, we need to establish how we will work together – we need to establish the right expectations.

Let’s start by saying that at least for the next six weeks – we are all in this together.

Our restorative and inter-cultural lessons taught us the beautiful term Ubuntu (Pronounced – oo-buun-too). Ubuntu – is a Nguni Bantu term meaning “humanity” – sometimes translated as “I am because we are” and also “I am because you are.”

You can’t be humanity all by yourself

OUR WHY

  • We believe in building community and nurturing personal growth.
  • We believe effective communication is the cornerstone of healthy relationships and a just society.
  • We believe helping people understand their emotions is the key to helping them successfully communicate through conflict.

New York Center for Interpersonal Development, Inc.

The Talking Piece

  • Talking pieces serves as a visual reminder that only the person in possession of the talking piece has the floor.
  • Talking pieces helps resolve the issue of one person dominating the discussion.
  • They encourage active listening and provide a focus on the one point being made at that time.

The First Circle

As we go around the Circle, you will be handed the talking piece.

Please share:

  • Your name
  • Why you are here
  • One thing you are good at

If you do not wish to share – feel free to pass the talking piece.

Setting the Container

Set the Container is a restorative term used to describe how our sessions will be conducted.

It describes the commitments we choose to make to an another for how we will hold space and for how we will work together.

Click the Group Commitments below to read through what to expect in our sessions together.

-You are here ~ Be present ~ Be Kind ~ Treat others how you want to be treated


-What is heard here stays here. What ever is learned here leaves here.

-Let perfection go and share your experiences – We must work together and learn from one another in order for our process to be fulfilling.

-Remember impact over intention – As shared we often have the best intentions and we do not always realize the impact our actions have on others. When you get a reaction you were not expecting say “ops” and if you are on the receiving end say “ouch.”

-Notice our own biases and judgments – We all have them. Let’s not ignore them!

-Realize our privilege – It exists and is based on different seen and unseen identities we hold – we deepen our connections to one another when we acknowledge as much.

-Practice self-care and community care – Take care of yourself – when done right – you will take care of others!

If there are objections and or additions to the above list – let us discuss them together.

Agenda

Day One

  • Understanding and Defining Conflict
  • Understanding Peer Mediation
  • Understanding Our Needs
  • Understanding Difficult Conversations

Day Two

  • Understanding the Role of a mediator
  • Understanding Open-Ended Questions
  • Learning to Loop
  • Practicing the Process

Conflict Defined

The Helium Hoop Activity

The goal of the activity is to simply lower the hoop to the ground.

Every team member’s fingers must maintain contact with the hoop at all times.

If anyone loses contact or his or her fingers slip off the hoop, the team must assume the starting position and begin again.

The Directions:

Starting at a reasonable height.

  • Bend your arms
  • Make a fist
  • Stick out your index fingers
  • No Thumbs!

Harvest

What was happing out there?




Conflict is a fact of life. It is natural and inescapable within every relationship, as no group of people will share identical values, wants, needs and ideas. Whether within ourselves, within our group of friends, or within our family, everywhere we look we can find conflict out in the open or lurking beneath the surface.

Activity – A Moment of Conflict

Your Content Goes Here

How Do You See Conflict?

In your workbook on page 3.

Complete the first two questions.

Circle Up – Our Answers

Activity ~ Your Style

Note: the questions are repetitive for a reason!

One of the most important essential skills we can all learn is how to communicate through conflict. When your emotions are high and your stress levels are putting an incredible amount of pressure on your body, knowing how you naturally deal with adversity will help you create the space to have responses instead of reactions in the heat of a tense moment.

Peer Mediation In Action

Circle Up – Unpacking The Videos

Defining Mediation

MEDIATION: Mediation is a voluntary and confidential process where two or more people come together to make decisions based on their understanding of their own views, each other’s views, and the reality of the situation.

PARTIES: The people in the conflict.

Activity: What Do You really Need?

Take a minute to consider how many times a day you are thinking about everything you need in your life.

Step One: Review the sheet and select 10 needs.

Step Two: Take your 10 down to 5 needs

Step Two: Take your 5 down to 3!

Circle Up – Got Needs

  • Share one or more of the needs you selected
  • Share why you feel strongly about it (them)

Harvest


Anatomy of Difficult Conversations

  • Substance.
  • Who said what, who did what?
  • Who intended what?
  • What did you each contribute to the problem?
  • My feelings.
  • Their feelings.
  • My self-image.
  • Their self-image.

Choosing a Purpose

Once you know it, you cannot unknow it.

You might try to ignore it.

And it is still there.

Learning

Expression

Problem Solving

Listen first to understand, then to be understood. You almost never know everything you need to know about the situation. Seek out the pieces of the puzzle you don’t have.

You are an unparalleled expert on you. So, speak for yourself and how you are experiencing the problem. Consider sharing your perspective, interests, feelings, and requests.

You take the lead. Once you have listened to their views and expressed your own, then you should proceed to problem solving. Ask: “Can we find a way to move forward that works for both of us?”

Circle Up – How are MWe?

Let’s go around one more time.

Share one thing you learned & one word for how you feel right now.

Day Two

Land Acknowledgement

In New York we are on the ancestral land of the Lenape people.

We say this to acknowledge that, no matter when or how we personally arrived on this land, we each have a relationship to the life and the pain that this ground has been witness to.

Let us take a moment to reflect on the responsibility of that relationship.

Let us be stewards of this land and make a connection to it that allows us to leave it better off than when we arrived.

If you’d like to learn more you can go to these links to get a deeper understanding.

Agenda

Day One

  • Understanding and Defining Conflict
  • Understanding Peer Mediation
  • Understanding Our Needs
  • Understanding Difficult Conversations

Day Two

  • Understanding the Role of a mediator
  • Understanding Open-Ended Questions
  • Understanding the Needs/Interest/Position
  • Learning to Loop
  • Practicing the Process

Circle Up – How are MWe?

Using the Talking Piece

Let’s make our way around the circle.

The question: What is your emotional weather report?

Tool ~ Mindfulness Check-in

Open Ended Questions

Needs-Interests-Positions (Strategies)

Role of the Mediator

Looping

Practice Makes Progress