Check in

Emotion Waterfall

  • In the chat type the emotion that best fits how you are feeling today.
  • Wait for Michael to say hit enter and together we will create an emotion waterfall.

Land Acknowledgment

In New York, we are on the ancestral land of the Lenape people.

We say this to acknowledge that, no matter when or how we personally arrived on this land, we each have a relationship to the life and the pain that this ground has been witness to.

Let us take a moment to reflect on the responsibility of that relationship.

Let us be stewards of this land and make a connection to it that allows us to leave it better off than when we arrived.

If you’d like to learn more you can go to these links to get a deeper understanding.

Expectations: I Am Because We Are

On our journey together, we need to establish how we will work together – we need to establish the right expectations.

Let’s start by saying that at least for the next six weeks – we are all in this together.

Our restorative and inter-cultural lessons taught us the beautiful term Ubuntu (Pronounced – oo-buun-too). Ubuntu – is a Nguni Bantu term meaning “humanity” – sometimes translated as “I am because we are” and also “I am because you are.”

You can’t be humanity by yourself


  • We believe in building community and nurturing personal growth.
  • We believe effective communication is the cornerstone of healthy relationships and a just society.
  • We believe helping people understand their emotions is the key to helping them successfully communicate through conflict.

Tool ~ Mindfulness Check-in

Setting the Container

Set the Container is a restorative term used to describe how our sessions will be conducted.

It describes the commitments we choose to make to an another for how we will hold space and for how we will work together.

Click the Group Commitments below to read through what to expect in our sessions together.

-You are here ~ Be present ~ Be Kind ~ Treat others how you want to be treated

-Let perfection go and share your experiences – We must work together and learn from one another in order for our process to be fulfilling.

-Remember impact over intention – As shared we often have the best intentions and we do not always realize the impact our actions have on others. When you get a reaction you were not expecting say “ops” and if you are on the receiving end say “ouch.”

-Notice our own biases and judgments – We all have them. Let’s not ignore them!

-Realize our privilege – It exists and is based on different seen and unseen identities we hold – we deepen our connections to one another when we acknowledge as much.

-Practice self-care and community care – Take care of yourself – when done right – you will take care of others!

If there are objections and or additions to the above list – let us discuss them together – Type “Yes” if you feel you can agree to these commitments today.

Small Group Discussion (Circle)

During our session together let’s circle up and discussion how we are feeling so far.

Ask the question “What is moving in me?”

  • Share a few minutes from your own experience.
  • Once everyone has gone.
  • Feel free to reply to each other.


Upon returning to the main circle – we will harvest (share) some of what was moving in the smaller conversations.

Body~Mind~Heart Connection Explained

What is the BMH Connection?

It is a centering space to be:

  • Create self-awareness

  • Able to self-regulate

  • Identify emotions and needs

  • Creative

  • Grateful

What we need you to do?

  • Embrace the process

  • Encourage participation

  • Model the practice

  • Lead if you feel ready

How can we use it?

  • As your opening activity for classes, sessions, or day.

  • Journaling – as a revolving activity

  • Finding space during closing out to return to the breathe.

  • As a conflict management tool.


New York Center for Interpersonal Development, Inc.

Tool ~ Generative Social Fields


The Social Field is the natural, pre-given structure of relationships among individuals, groups, organizations and systems that give rise to collective behaviors and outcomes.


All human beings participate in co-creating the complex social contexts they live in and engage with.

Our emotional systems help us maintain balance.

Life is challenging when we interact with the emotional systems of others.


We have the ability to co-create a generative social field in which we facilitate deep conversations about big issues, and shape a safe and supportive climate where individuals in our teams/systems can feel emotionally safe, connected and respected.


There is always a social field, either generative or degenerative depending on how people are showing up.

~ Qualities of Generative Social Fields ~

A Thought Experiment

Take a moment to consider the Social Fields you exist in.

  • How do you SHOW UP?
  • How do you contribute to your social fields?
  • In what ways are you making generative contributions?
  • In what ways might you be degenerative?
  • What might you take away from these spaces?

Communicate Through Conflict

One of the most important essential skills we can all learn is how to communicate through conflict. When your emotions are high and your stress levels are putting an incredible amount of pressure on your body, knowing how you naturally deal with adversity will help you create the space to have responses instead of reactions in the heat of a tense moment.

Note: the questions are repetitive for a reason!

Small Group Discussion (Circle)

After taking the survey, ask the question “What is moving in me?”

  1. Were you surprised by the results?
  2. If you have taken an inventory like this before were the results different?

  • Share a few minutes from your own experience.
  • Once everyone has gone.
  • Feel free to reply to each other.


Upon returning to the main circle – we will harvest (share) some of what was moving in the smaller conversations.

Restorative Practices Distilled

The fundamental hypothesis of restorative practices is that human beings are happier, more cooperative and productive, and more likely to make positive changes in their behavior when those in positions of authority do things with them, rather than to them or for them.

  • Grounded in ancient and indigenous cultures

  • Became vital to our current system as alterative means to punitive practices

  • Focus on Relationships and mutual accountability

  • Build Community, Trust, and Opportunities for Learning Through Conversation

  • Relies on experience not expertise

  • Promotes ritual and rites of passage

  • Not Transmission Model or Rote Teaching

  • Engagement — involving individuals in decisions that affect them by listening to their views and genuinely taking their opinions into account
  • Explanation — explaining the reasoning behind a decision to everyone who has been involved or who is affected by it
  • Expectation clarity — making sure that everyone clearly understands a decision and what is expected of them in the future (Kim & Mauborgne, 1997)


The Circle Process

Sequential Go-Arounds

This is a circle in which a question or discussion point is raised and students answer in turn, proceeding around the circle in either a clockwise or counterclockwise direction.

  • A volunteer may offer to go first, answer the question and choose the direction to proceed (to the volunteer’s left or right).
  • The circle keeper may be the first to answer the question and choose the direction.
  • Or a circle keeper may ask a certain participant to begin.

Non-Sequential Circles

Non-sequential circles are more freely structured than sequential circles.

  • Conversation proceeds from one person to another in no fixed order.
  • This type of circle allows a discussion to evolve organically and can be used effectively for problem solving, as well.


The fishbowl allows certain participants — in the inner circle — to be active participants, while those in the outer circle act as observers.

  • Fishbowls can be structured entirely for the observers’ benefit so that they can observe a specific process or certain interactions.
  • They can also be set up for the participants’ benefit, allowing observers to share their feedback at the end of the activity.

Talking Pieces

  • Talking pieces serves as a visual reminder that only the person in possession of the talking piece has the floor.
  • Talking pieces helps resolve the issue of one person dominating the discussion.
  • They encourage active listening and provide a focus on the one point being made at that time.
  • Small, soft toy; a special stick or stone; a rattle or gourd; or some other object that can withstand being passed around

  • Participants can bring or make their own

  • Physically passed around to each participant to give everyone a chance to respond

Circle Up

Note: one of the team members should assume the position of circle keeper in the small circles.

Remember your commitments to one another from the main group, agree to them again, add others if necessary.

In the circle:

  • Round One: Introductions and describe one intention and one expectation you have for this summer.
  • Round Two: Answer any or all the questions from the thought experiment:

    • How do you contribute to your social fields?
    • In what ways are you making generative contributions?
    • In what ways might you be degenerative?
    • What might you take away from these spaces?


Upon returning to the main circle – we will HARVEST (share) some of what was moving in the smaller conversations.

What is moving in me?

When to use Restorative Practices

  • Peace Approach Games

  • Community/Trust Building

  • Projects

  • To Exemplify ideas

  • Talking tool for Creativity

What we need you to do?

  • Embrace the process

  • Encourage participation

  • Model the practice

When to use The Circle Process:

  • All the Time! (wink wink)

  • To unpack disagreements

  • To provide direction

  • To create understanding

Restorative Practices and the Circle Process are not:

  • Not to demand forgiveness
  • Decision by consensus
  • Democracy in your system

  • Does not set out to win people’s support through compromises that accommodate every individual’s opinions, needs, or interests

Tool ~ Evocation Interviewing

It’s one thing to be able to feel your emotions, feelings, and mood and to learn to put words to each for oneself – to create an emotional fluency that allows you to understand your human experience better.

It is another thing to be able to have the confidence to share your experiences with others using this vocabulary.

This tool helps us better describe our experiences by challenging us to use our senses to breathe life into our memories and help others feel what we may have felt.


What was Evocation Interviewing like for you?

When to use it

  • Breakout Sessions

  • Performance Practices

  • Talking tool for Focus

  • Talking tool for Creativity

Anatomy of Difficult Conversations

  • Substance.
  • Who said what, who did what?
  • Who intended what?
  • What did you each contribute to the problem?
  • My feelings.
  • Their feelings.
  • My self-image.
  • Their self-image.

Choosing a Purpose

Once you know it, you cannot unknow it.

You might try to ignore it.

And it is still there.



Problem Solving

Listen first to understand, then to be understood. You almost never know everything you need to know about the situation. Seek out the pieces of the puzzle you don’t have.

You are an unparalleled expert on you. So, speak for yourself and how you are experiencing the problem. Consider sharing your perspective, interests, feelings, and requests.

You take the lead. Once you have listened to their views and expressed your own, then you should proceed to problem solving. Ask: “Can we find a way to move forward that works for both of us?”

Feedback – Let’s Face it

Benefits of Receiving Feedback Well

Your relationships become richer.

You learn and get better at things.

Other people find it more enjoyable to work around you.

It is easier for you to work with others to solve problems.

By your example, you help others see the value in seeking feedback for themselves.




You are giving thanks and encouraging yourself to keep doing what you are doing. For it to be effective, it needs to be specific, authentic, and in a form that you find satisfying.

Showing you a better way to do something to help you grow. Coaching can be related to improving your skills or fixing a perceived imbalance in a relationship. (Note: Grace uses the word coaching to mean the act of listening and asking questions to help a person discover the best way forward.)

Tells you where you stand compared to a standard or compared to others. Evaluation aligns expectations and clarifies consequences.

Relationship Triggers

Identity Triggers

We resist feedback if we think the person giving it has questionable motives or lacks credibility. Also, how the person delivers the feedback may cause us to resist. Instead of hearing what the person is saying, we focus on our issues with the person.

We resist feedback when we perceive an attack on who we think we are. Our brain’s survival functions cause us to move toward pleasurable things and away from painful ones. The brain gets confused when it faces short-term pain necessary for long-term gain or short-term pleasures that produce long-term pain.

Small Group Discussion (Circle)

Ask the question “What is moving in me?”

How can we adopt the Feedback Truths in our programming this summer?

  • Share a few minutes from your own experience.
  • Once everyone has gone.
  • Feel free to reply to each other.


Upon returning to the main circle – we will harvest (share) some of what was moving in the smaller conversations.